December 29 – Fears and challenges
Think of three things that daunted you in 2012: how are you going to work towards overcoming them in 2013?
I’m going to talk about this more in terms of challenges because that is what feels right to me.
I am in the midst of a massive transition and I am still getting clear on where I am going. I expected that I would have a clear definition after a year of travel, then after the second trip, then after the third trip. I expected I would come back to Melbourne and be able to say this is what I’m going to do. I wasn’t able to do that because there have been other things I have had to work through and heal first . I have often been annoyed that I’m not “there” yet. I still get impatient from time to time but I have learned to take a deep breath (or two) and accept this is where I am right now. I am on my path. It is unfolding perfectly and in its own time.
2. Self-doubt and the inner critic
My inner critic likes to tell me I'm not qualified to do anything other than what I have studied - financial planning. I'm making friends with that critic and that best question I can ask it when it starts throwing these types of questions to me is..."Is that really true?"
3. Honouring my feelings
I think there is a pleaser in many of us. There definitely is in me. I want to have good relationships with the people in my life. I want to be there to support them, participate in their lives and I don’t want to let them down or disappoint them. This has often meant that I end up doing things when I don’t really want to.
In another variation of this, I have also done a lot of things I thought I should do or often like doing but in that moment don’t really want to for because I think I should or because I tell myself I’m being lazy. When I don’t do what I think I should do I end up beating up on myself. A lot.
This year I have started honouring my feelings and not beating up on myself. Sometimes I don’t want to do something or go somewhere and that’s just how it is for me in that moment. I have been practicing honouring those feelings, making a decision not to do it and then getting on with doing what I do feel like doing without the guilt.
December 30 – Release
What will you let go of in 2013?
1. Procrastination via distraction
The online world is a blessing and a curse. It has helped me to connect with some amazing people and to stay in contact with friends I have made all around the world but sometimes I use it to waste time and stop myself doing what I really love doing…writing. When I use it in this way, it doesn’t serve me. It stops me from achieving what I really want to achieve but if I dig a little deeper I am really using it because I am scared of either being successful or failing at what I love doing. What if my writing is really bad? What if my book is really badly written and boring? If I distract myself from writing it then I will never get it finished and never find out. But what if it is good? What if it is inspiring? What if I am successful and it changes my life? It’s time to find out.
2. Expectations of relationships
Our relationships are like beautiful plants and maybe sometimes like ugly weeds. They need tending to, nurturing, feeding and sometimes re-potting or removing. I find that sometimes I have expectations of relationships that have become fixed and become frustrated when interactions don’t match those expectations. There is a rhythm to everything in life including friendships. Sometimes we come together, sometimes we move apart for a while or forever. That is life. In 2013, I choose to give relationships space when they need space, to let go of old ways of interacting when they no longer serve, to let go of my preconceived and fixed ideas of what a friendship should look like and when necessary to let go completely with love.
December 31 – Fiesta (Celebration)
What are you celebrating today? What will you celebrate in 2013?
Today I am celebrating the path that I have walked not only this year but all my life to where I am right here, right now. I am celebrating opportunity and choice, the joy and the pain, the adventure of not knowing what is next, living, feeling, breathing and of course words, poetry and the gift of expression that gives my life meaning and I will celebrate these also in 2013.
Wishing everyone a wonderful new year. May you realize your intentions for the year. May you celebrate the blessings of your life. May you feel love and joy.
|One of my all time favourite sunsets over the Andaman Sea, Naiharn, Phuket, Thailand|